Bring on the Rain

I remember New Year's Eve last year. I was in the middle of a hard divorce. Brady was still inside my belly. I could barely hold myself together and slept early that night. When I woke up, it was January 1, 2007. Something felt different. Sunlight streamed in from the window on what was supposed to be a cold January morning. That was the first day I ever felt peace and hope that everything will be allright. God quietly ushered into my heart and reassured me he would take care of everything.

Brady was born on January 12. It was an emergency induction because he had two cords wrapped around his neck and his heart was dropping. It seemed that God was on top of making sure he came out safely. We had a close call that I wouldn't be able to get him out in time, and if I had accepted the epidural (which was so tempting, believe me) then it would have prolonged the labor. The nurse explained it to me afterwards and said the epidural would not have let him come out in time. Thank you lord.

We found out Brady was deaf. I was actually overjoyed. I know people don't understand, but my son has my ears. When I was 7 months pregnant, I asked God if it was his will, I would love to have a deaf child. He answered my prayer.

In Spring, my mom had a heart attack. It was the only night I wasn't there. I came home and she was missing. I was terribly worried. She came home from the hospital late that night. The doctors diagnosed her with myocardial infarction and said she was in high risk for another attack within 45 days. She had to return to the hospital for more testing. She said she accepted God's will if he was ready to take her home. We prayed and prayed. The nurse looked at her baffled and said her heart is fine now and that it didn't make any sense.

We decided to move because they had better doctors who accepted our medical insurance. I also wanted to go to college. We searched without any luck for a place to live. Suddenly, I came across a rental listing and it was a house. It was a newly remodeled house with four bedrooms, a back and front yard in a very nice neighborhood. It was just one listing that I had on a long list of possible places and it was a hopeless one because I have no credit history. My mother has bad credit from her divorce. It was a one in a million chance to get that house but I decided to try anyways. Right before we met with the landlord, we all prayed together. Even Landon said, "Please Jesus. House." We met the landlord and before we ever gave him our application, he handed us the key and said the place was ours. What? Impossible. He gave it to us without ever looking at a piece of paper or knowing our names. Praise the lord. We love our home and it was the first place that we felt was a real home in years.

We found a wonderful church. They have interpreters for us. They follow the KJV bible. The church people have welcomed us into their homes and lives and they are our church family. I started faithfully paying tithe and I recommend it strongly to everyone because it really works. Our finances doubled and we have had so many blessings falling right out of the sky.

I started college this year and it was so strange going back to school after so long. I thanked the lord for this chance because I finally have my dream in front of me again when I thought it was gone forever. I felt like I came back to life this summer.

I still had the biggest thing in my life to worry about. Custody for my children. I prayed and prayed for a year that God would let my children have a home with me. Suddenly, I recieved a letter from my ex husband's lawyer that he wanted to fight for physical custody. I felt gravely sick and I was pale over it. It was the worst feeling going through this experience. I counted on the lord more than ever and asked my close friends and family to pray for us. That night before the court date, I prayed so hard that I lost my voice.

The next morning, my mother and I were driving to the court house. Suddenly, we both were smiling from ear to ear. We looked at each other and thought, what is wrong with us? I felt this surge of peace in my heart and it felt like I had already won. It didn't make ANY sense!! We kept grinning in the court room even though my stomach was in a thousand knots and I thought I was going to throw up! I tried my hardest in court and spoke from my heart. Courts favor joint custody nowdays, and it didn't seem like it was going my way. We sat in the room in front of the judge waiting for him to make his final declaration. I signed "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus" with my hands under the table. I knew he would never fail me. Not when I needed him the most. The judge spoke so fast and I missed what he said. My lawyer and my interpreter smiled broadly and said I won! I won! I won! What?! I won?? It was God. If you were there, you'd know it was God!! I felt like I could fly after that. My heart finally had wings.

I met with a counselor at my college and she grabbed a paper and told me I could get an AA degree if I signed it. I didn't plan on getting one, but ok!! lol. Then I had an "On the Spot" appointment with the university I was applying to the next day. I was nervous because this was my dream for years to make it. The girl who went first ran out the door in tears and slammed the door. I thought, "oh God, be with me." I met with the lady and she did some paperwork for several long minutes. I sat anxiously while she did her work. She looked up at me, smiled and said welcome to our university. Ahhh!!

Our old car kept breaking down everywhere we went. What a pain. It would take as long as two hours just to start it up. It went on for several months and it was stressful because I had no other car and couldn't afford to fix it. I prayed for a good, reliable car and I prayed particularly for a car with plenty of room so I could take people to church. I also prayed for an affordable one around 5,000 dollars if possible. One day, our car broke down in the church parking lot. Groan. A kind man named Kirk came and tried to help us start it. He said he had a good mechanic friend who could help us with it and he insisted on covering the cost. He let us borrow his car. My mom drove it home and noticed a "for sale" sign in the back. It was a Chevy Suburban with an extra row of seats in the back. It was for 5,000 dollars. We both looked at each other and couldn't believe it. The owners said they were just about to post it in the newspaper but they wanted us to have it. God answered our prayers to the dot!

This year, I realized more than ever before how much I truly need God and how much he does take care of us. I had to turn my life into his direction and live for him and try to grow spirtually as a Christian. I want to serve him faithfully and raise both Landon and Brady by him. I promised God in front of the whole church congregation in November and dedicated my children to him. I know God will watch over them no matter what happens.

Landon and Mommy

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Being Silly Together! ♥

**note: these lyrics are protected under copyright**

My mom and I were having a conversation at Applebee's. We were talking about Christmas gifts. She told me of a story about a woman who recalled how her father always bought her warm clothes and socks every Christmas and never any toys. Growing up, she constantly griped and complained that she never recieved any toys. She said that as she got older, she started to realize that her father was always thinking about what she needed. It was how he loved her.

Our father in Heaven is always thinking about what we need.

If you think about this..

Jesus is what we need. The devil is what we want.

We want the worldly things and to enjoy the pleasures of sin. Too often do we go astray from God because the devil has all of our wants and our desires. God is what we need.

Don't forget that.

It is in those moments that we truly live in, those moments that we truly breathe in that bring life to us. It is where your spirit forever remains. Those moments where your heart opens up and you feel more alive than you have ever been. Life is when we are dreaming and there are moments when we awaken and realize that we are truly living. That is where we will always be.

My spirit is in the sunset. Traveling down an empty highway on a summer evening. The radio is playing. My hand is out the window and my fingers are twirling the wind. The sky is turquoise and gold with signatures of fiery red from the blazing sun. It follows me wherever I go, lingering in between every tree that passes me. The sun sends me love notes before the somber moon takes it's place. I throw my head back and I open up my arms. I feel the release in me. The wind flows upon every ounce of me and I let the cleansing air settle into my soul, releasing every bounds that drag me and blowing away the heavy chains wrapped around me. My soul is free. I am alive once again.

I have resurrected from the darkness. I trusted him with all of me and I loved him with every breath I took. He trampled over me and buried me beneath the dark soil and left me forgotten and worthless. Finally I will rise and I will take the life that is rightfully mine. Once again I shall call it my own.

My heart is like a butterfly thriving in the sun. Fragile and untouched, I will turn into dust in your hands. Heartache has blinded me for so long. I couldn't see the light in the sky. The glorious sun greets an old friend with warm kisses on my cheek. The leaves dance for joy in the flowing wind. Too long have I forgotten the colors in the sky.

Like a bird, I wanna fly high above. Sailing in the wind. I am free. At last, I am free.

I have traveled down a road and looking back, I cannot believe I have come this far. I never thought I would be the one who walked away from the one I loved very deeply. I never thought that my life's passion would be in being a mother. I never thought I'd be living in a city all on my own and standing here today where I am.

In my life's lessons, I have learned that the hardest thing to do is the right thing. Letting go of a dream to find another. I learned that we all need to take care of ourselves and that the greatest people are the ones who can care for others more than themselves.

I have learned that we cannot rely on others or ourselves to get through life's problems. We all need to rely on God because he cares. How blessed are we to have a God who is not unforgiving and selfish! How blessed are we to have a God who is so merciful and kind! The lord is truly mighty. He never leaves our side even if we turn our backs to him. He has brought me this far and he will lead me safely home.

I was driving down a road on a beautiful evening. The sun was setting and the world was aglow. The wind was twirling the leaves and the sky was red and gold. I breathed in the air. Free. I felt so free and alive. Life was like a song. It is moments like these that I live for.

Just to wake up next to a sleeping baby that I call my own. To have a beautiful boy come and jump in my bed every morning. To know they are mine. I am forever devoted to them and because of them, I am forever complete.

Life is quite a journey. It is a road that takes you to many places you never thought you would be. I have learned that it is pointless to make plans in life, because life already has a plan for you.

and the meaning of life is just to live. It is a gift from God for us to enjoy every sunrise and sunset, to love someone more than we love ourselves, to give and recieve, and every thing imaginable on this Earth.

I am glad to be alive.