"But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart."
God sent Samuel to find the future King in one of Jesse's children. Jesse had many sons and they were big, strong and looked like potential kings. God chose David who was Jesse's youngest son that was watching the sheep in the wilderness. He did not look the part of King, but God knew his heart.
To God, it is what is on the inside that matters, but we must also ask how can people know if we are Christians if we don't look the part? The world judges us on how we appear on the outside. So it is also important to look the part of a Godly person so that we may set the example for others.
I am trying to dress more appropriately. I went in my closet yesterday and threw out my low cut shirts and my tight pants. My good friend who is a wonderful example to me, taught me that a Godly woman shouldn't hinder a man's eyesights by exposing her body.
But that also doesn't mean that you have to dress to look plain! We can appreciate beauty and obey the Lord at the same time! I also noticed that ever since I started wearing skirts and dresses, men would rush to open the door for me everywhere I went! That never happend when I wore jeans. I am being recognized as a lady. (Cool!)
"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. " Proverbs 31:30
I have exciting news to share!! I got in touch with the lady who works at the county school district and she is sending me an application to be a substitute teacher aide for the deaf! She says that I meet their qualifications. It will also give me a lot of time to be home with my children and to earn that extra income to pay for Landon's schooling! I am psyched!!
Also for that extra, extra moolah, I am thinking about making jewerlies at home and selling them online! It'll be a fun project to do!
And thank you SO much for your reassurance and support. I feel so much better than yesterday. I feel like the sun is rising and God is here to take care of everything. He also blessed me with wonderful friends!!
LOVE, Charlene _\m/
I cried all morning. I feel like the dam broke. I just realized that I am the one that has been pretending that nothing has happend. I didn't want to feel the pain. I thought if I ignored it, then it would go away, but it didn't. I never forgave him all this time. I said I did, but I really didn't. I have been so angry and hurt all this time. I buried my feelings inside and I didn't allow myself to cry during this entire divorce! I finally did for the first time today. I was cleaning the house and talking to God, and then God pushed my heart and the dam broke. It's good to cry. I am finally letting it all out. I want him to know, wherever he is, that I forgive him.
Forgiveness. If we say we forgive someone, is that all it takes? I forgive him then. But everytime I see him, I literally want to vomit. My stomach wrings up and I feel sick. Everytime I get his email, I have to walk around the house and take deep breaths. I get anxiety and stress whenever he pops up in my life. My life is beautiful and happy, but it turns upside down anytime he appears. I can't believe I allowed this person to have so much power in my life.
I never had closure. I was never able to get it all off my chest and to say goodbye. He didn't give me a chance to do that. Instead, I swallowed it, buried it and resentment has been gnawing inside of me ever since. It was hard for me to sleep at night because I would vent at him in my mind. I would have nightmares about him. I realize that I am still so angry at him. He hasn't acknowledged what he did and how he hurt me so badly. He just pretends it never happened.
It shouldn't matter what he does or how he thinks. I shouldn't let it affect me anymore. I need God to come in and take away this pain inside of me. I have been hurting for a long time. I need to learn to forgive. Not for his sake, but for my own.
I want to move on. I am going to have to pray about this. It is obvious that I can't do this alone. I need God.
My family gathered together this morning for church. It was a special mother's day service. The pastor is an amazing pastor and his sermons never fail to inspire me. Today his sermon brought tears to my eyes. He was talking about God's plan for mothers to be there for their children and raise them at home. He told us a story of a little boy who had all the CDs he wanted, all the really fancy toys and brand new bike, but the little boy sadly whispered.. "all I want is my mother."
Being a mother is like serendipity. I had a set mind on what I was going to do with my life when I was a teenager and being a mother was last on my list. However, God had other plans for me. I found out that being a mother was so wonderful and that my children mean more to me than anything I can imagine. Suddenly, all my desires and things I wanted for myself seemed so insignificant compared to how much I wanted the best for them. Becoming a mother transformed me forever. It was a beautiful miracle. I am SO blessed to have Landon and Brady! Yesterday, my mom asked me that if I had the chance to go back in time and change the choices I made, would I take it? Never. We both smiled knowingly.
Happy Mother's Day to ALL the Moms Out there!!
I have a friend from school that I was eating lunch with yesterday. I admire her and she makes me laugh. Yesterday she started talking about religion. She is a proud "freethinker" and was frusturated when her close friend "found religion." I couldn't help but smile at that phrase. She said her friend was far too eager to share a bible story with her and kept sharing what the pastor said about it. She told me that it seemed that her friend had no independent mind of her own. I guess that is the way the world may see it because Christians don't seem to be analying things or questioning everything.
I kept thinking about that while I was in bed last night. I wished I had the right things to say. I was listening to her but couldn't come up with the perfect answer. That frusturated me.
I started to realize why we seem "mindless" to the world. It is not the lack of mind that really is so. It is because we have truth. We no longer need to seek any further for it, nor question things and analyze everything. Why should we when the answer to everything is right in front of us? God is truth and he gave us the answer to everything in our Bible.
I know what the meaning to life is. I know what happens after we die. I know what God has planned for the future of the world. I know he was there before all of this came to be. With every little thing that we seek, God gives us what we need. Therefore, that is what differs us from the "freethinkers." We found the answer and they haven't yet.
The answer does not rest in memorizing Socrates or Aristole. These are empty words of lost men. The Bible says, "Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ." Colossians 2:8-9. Where are these men now? They will only join the rest of us when facing Jesus Christ on judgement day.
I don't think freethinkers are free because it is truth that sets you free. Those who have found the truth in God are the ones that are truly free.
I have this new desire to strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I want to dress the part too. I decided that I will wear dresses more often and skirts as well. It is so feminine to wear those things. It also makes us carry ourselves differently and feel special. Everyone who knows me knows that I am a denim jean girl but it's exciting to make a change. The only drag is that I'll have to shave my legs. ;)
I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior when I was ten years old. I can remember the moment and the awe I felt as God entered my heart and my life. But, I realize now.. thirteen years later.. that there is SO much more than just getting saved. We can actually grow. We can actually glorify God and see his power moving through the Earth. Suddenly, when we realize that the bigger picture is ABOUT GOD and not of ourselves.. then our problems and worries seem so petty and small. It's like staring at a grain of dirt and obsessing over it. When we step back and keep going, we'll see that the grain of dirt is a part of a mountain. Suddenly, that little grain is so insignificant and we realize that we have just wasted our lives worrying about that little dirt. That's how I feel.
I see people everywhere that don't grasp that just yet. Christians in society are still living in the world and they are missing all of this. So many of them say that the Bible is just figuratively written and outdated. The Bible is the actual, living word of God! God continues to speak to us to this very day and this book is a personal letter given to us from God himself! How amazing is that! And don't you think that God knew the exact moment when he would arrive and rapture his church? He would have known what needed to be said to last us to that day. It is not outdated. God is like a Hershey bar. He never changes. Our society, our cultures and traditions may change in this world, but God never ever does. In the Bible, it says that his word will last even after everything passes away ("Heaven and earth shall pass away: but my words shall not pass away." Luke 21:33)
I can't believe how many "COEXIST" bumper stickers are out there. My goodness people! There is ONE true God and there is no other god next to him. If you studied religion, you would know that none of their gods even resemble GOD and who he is. My school teaches that Christians are closed minded fundamentalists. Yeah! The Bible says narrow is the way to heaven and wide is the gate to hell, ("Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it." Matthew 7:13-14)
I have actually sat through my classes and I have been blown away by how they teach about tolerance and understanding in all religions and ideals, but never fail to bash Christianity. Christians are excluded from this privelege, but I am always reminded of this verse, ("If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you." John 15:18) Jesus Christ has warned us in advance that we will be hated by the world and suffer for his sake because the world hated him first. But how great is the reward of the faithful!! For it is better to suffer for good and not of evil things.
Wake up! The Lord is coming very quickly! Everything is falling in place according to plan and hundreds of prophencies have already passed! Be ready!
"But of that day and that hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father.
Take ye heed, watch and pray: for ye know not when the time is. For the Son of Man is as a man taking a far journey, who left his house, and gave authority to his servants, and to every man his work, and commanded the porter to watch.
Watch ye therefore: for ye know not when the master of the house cometh, at even, or at midnight, or at the cockcrowing, or in the morning: Lest coming suddenly he find you sleeping.
And what I say unto you I say unto all, Watch." Mark 13:32-37
