When I was ten years old, I went to a small baptist. At that time, I felt a longing to know the truth and I sought after God for the answer. The pastor's wife asked me if I wanted to be saved and I quickly said yes. She brought me into baptismal right away. I was baptized at 10 years old.
I went to a Christian camp a month after that. I felt an urgency in my heart that I still needed the truth. Something was MISSING. I could feel it and it made me so restless. I asked the chapel minister. I asked the people from church. I asked and no one had an answer for me. They said, "do you believe in God?" I said yes, but is that it? Is that all? There just had to be more because the devil believes in God too.
At the end of the week, I was walking to the campfire at night with the youth group. I lingered behind the group and just stared at the stars. There were tall trees swaying in the night sky and the stars were just vividly shining. I felt this great peace and awe. At that moment, it was like God looked right at me. The answer came right from the sky and fell blazenly in my heart.
All of a sudden, everything made sense. It was a click, it made sense. While no one could answer me, God answered. I grabbed my missionary friend and started rambling. I don't remember what I said, but I remembered my knees shaking. I felt this awe, this glory, this beauty enter me and it felt cleansing and thrilling. I was only ten, so I called it 'magic bubbles.'
I knew the answer. It was to make a conscious decision; a deliberate choice to accept Jesus Christ as my Savior. I had to give Jesus permission to save me because I was a sinner and was on my way to hell. He was waiting all along and was by my side from the beginning. All those times, I knew I was never alone.
I grew up and I was a very good girl. I loved God and worshipped him. When I turned eighteen, I was so fascinated with the world. I was caught up in getting attention, wanting to go crazy with my freedom and I had left the church. I read devotionals but I started getting weaker in my faith. I was too caught up with the world. I met my ex husband and fell in love fast! He was not saved or a Christian at that time and I didn't care. I wanted him and I wasn't going to listen to anyone. I did anything to make him happy, and I compromised myself and I broke my vow of purity to God. I felt so ashamed to face him and I couldn't bring myself to pray to God for a whole year.
My life went downhill after that. I had marriage problems. We went to the wrong crowd and I tried drinking to impress my ex husband. I hated it the entire time and I knew I was far from God. Everything literally fell apart because I had left God. I got a divorce and it was so heartbreaking and devastating. I had to drag myself off the floor and I just ran to God. For a long time, I felt like I didn't deserve God at all but I kept desperately clinging to him. God spared me from so much pain and suffering during the worst time of my life.
He led me to my church and my life has changed since then. Dramatically. Literally. Forever. I grew so much in this church and I grew closer to God. My life changed when I handed it over to God completely. I can't begin to describe what this journey has been like. All I know is that God has changed me forever and given me a whole new life. I never want to go back. I want to keep going forward and grow closer to God everyday until I die.
I need an official point even though God has already been pulling me into a new direction. My road keeps turning towards him. I want to make it official. I want a new beginning. I want to take that step where there is no turning back anymore. I want to rededicate my life to God and do it right this time. I am getting baptized again :)
Looking back, in spite of it all, the heartbreak, the devastation, the going astray.. I can find a reason to be thankful. I got to experience God's grace and mercy to the fullest. There is nothing like it in all the world.
Starting over. My God is the God of second chances.